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Selfishness
Webster's Dictionary defines selfishness as "concerned excessively or
exclusively on one's own advantage, pleasure, or well-being without regard for
others."
The words that mean the opposite of selfish - altruistic, charitable, liberal,
generous, etc. - all have to do with giving to or doing for others. It seems
there is no word to describe just the right amount of caring for the self.
When we say no to people who want us to do things that are not in our best
interests, they say we are being selfish. It is almost as if we do not have
the right to put ourselves before others.
Yet, the fact that the other person is calling us selfish shows that he is
putting himself before us. We are never called selfish when we are doing what
someone else wants us to do. Even when they know that doing what they want us
to do will cause problems for us later on, they call us selfish for saying no.
If we want to maintain our temples, we are going to have to learn to be truly
selfish. We are going to have to look after our own needs. When we make it a
point to take care of ourselves no one else has to.
That is not to say we will not need other people in our lives. It is to say
that we do not rely on the people in our lives to do for us what we can do for
ourselves. We definitely do not try to shame them into doing what we want them
to do by calling them selfish.
Afrikans living in the U.S. suffer from many dis-eases that we would not have
if we were truly selfish:
We have cancer - what some doctors call "the disease of nice people"
- because we do not honestly express our emotions and needs.
We have rheumatoid arthritis because we have decided not to reach our goals in
life.
We have lupus because we are afraid to challenge those we see as having
authority.
We become blind because we do not want to see what is happening around us and
to us.
We lose the use of our limbs because we do not want to go where we are
"supposed" to go or do what we are "supposed" to do.
We become helpless because we do not know how else to ask for help.
We develop heart dis-ease because we cannot express love for ourselves or
those around us.
Unless we become truly selfish and do what we need to do the maintain our
temples - spiritually, mentally, emotionally, and physically - our health will
not get better. In fact, as long as we keeping doing what we have been doing,
we can only expect it to get worse.
The next time someone calls you selfish, just smile and say "Thank
you."
Sistah
Qaraandin is the author of "Maintaining Our Temples" and the
publisher/editor
of "Sistah Qaraandin's M.O.T. Healthzine." She is
available for
seminars, lectures, workshops, and other engagements. Check out her new healthzine.
Email her at pantherpaw@blackwebportal.com
"The
healing power of a person lies within the person, not within the
doctor, a
pill, or a knife. The healing power of a community lies within
the community,
not within a ballot box, an executive order, or a referendum."
from:
Maintaining Our Temples
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